


Cruise Ship Captain America

by CatrinaSL



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Cruise Ships, Donuts, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Mistaken Identity, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Texting, Thor Is a Good Bro, Vacation, Vacationship, swears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-08 19:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12260937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatrinaSL/pseuds/CatrinaSL
Summary: While on vacation, Darcy meets an amazing guy... who just happens to be a Captain America impersonator for the cruise line. The only problem (aside from the compressed time frame of their vacationship) is that he keeps insisting that he'sactuallySteve Rogers. Will his story—and their relationship—hold up when they try to take both into the real world?





	Cruise Ship Captain America

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HKThauer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HKThauer/gifts).



> HKThauer prompted this, and she is amazing, so this fic is dedicated to her.
> 
> It also goes out to every single person who enjoyed and is now bereft of cornmouse's amazing Darcy Lewis Lois Lane series, which we shall miss forever. ♥

Darcy laughed at the man squished into the bunk beside her.

"No, I really am!" he said earnestly. "I'm Steve Rogers! Actually Captain America! The cruise line said I could have the trip for free as long as I put the suit on every once in a while and waved at the people."

"Mmhm, I'm sure," Darcy said, her tone communicating that she was convinced of the opposite.

He propped himself up on his elbow and smiled. He—whoever he was—had an amazing smile. It was one of the things that had drawn Darcy to him. That, and his... everything else.

"It's not so bad, signing autographs. I've got a photo-op tonight, otherwise I'd take you to dinner."

Darcy laughed again. "Nice try, but the restaurants are free on this boat," she reminded him.

"Maybe, but I'm Captain America. I don't have to have a reservation, not even for the fancy ones."

"Uh-huh," she intoned disbelievingly.

"I can't tell;" 'Steve' said, "Was that you saying yes to dinner?" He reached out and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Because I don't know about you, but I'm an old-fashioned kinda guy. I really don't want this to be a one-time thing."

Though she shook her head at the whole 'superhero' ruse, Darcy smiled. "Yeah, I'd... like that."

* * *

Darcy watched from the poolside bar while 'Steve' laughed with a twitterpated fan and chatted with an elderly gentleman wearing a hat that declared him a World War II vet. The people seemed to really like him, fake or not. Darcy was partial to his smile, but it was his attention-seeking attire that had provided her the inspiration for the _perfect_ pick up line.

She'd walked up, winked at him, and said, "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?"

He'd laughed, and that evening they met at the foremost bar for drinks, then took a stroll outside, doing the stupid Titanic thing at the tip of the upper deck. Darcy was shocked to hear he'd never seen the movie, and that's where the silly "I'm Steve Rogers" story started. Darcy supposed that the Titanic reference had been too much temptation for the Cap cosplayer, who put on a very convincing solemn face when he told her that the tragedy of the Titanic had happened five years before he was born.

It didn't matter to her, honestly. She was on vacation and he was her favorite part so far. And it wasn't just the sex (which was amazing). They had dinner together, laughed and talked. She beat him at classic Pacman in the arcade. He took her to a few of the hokey shows on board (and one surprisingly good one). They went dancing! He was the worst good luck charm ever (even though he _was_ the prettiest one) at the blackjack table in the casino. They shared a tandem bicycle on one of the islands, and found a secluded spot to go skinny dipping.

The best vacationship she'd ever had could not be marred by the fact that he insisted she call him 'Steve' (though she pronounced it with the quotes every time), or that she would probably never see him again.

On their last night, they leaned on the railing of the aft deck, watching the water swirl seven stories below, like the last few hours of their time together, swept away in the wake of the ship.

"What are you gonna do after this?" 'Steve' asked, sipping his beer mournfully.

"Back to work," Darcy sighed, and took a pull from whatever fruity monstrosity the bartender had decided to surprise her with. It had an umbrella, and that's what mattered. "My boss will probably throw me a 'congrats on your Master's degree' party, and then it's coffee runs and transcribing notes and making sure nothing catches on fire."

He laughed. "Sounds like a lot of fun."

"It is." She bit down on the straw and turned her eyes to his. "What about you? Superheroing?"

He nodded.

"Well, maybe I'll run into you at Avengers Tower sometime. I'm _totally_ BFFs with Thor."

'Steve' smiled and shook his head, setting his beer aside so that he could tug Darcy toward him, his arm wrapped around her waist. "Or maybe we could just exchange contact information," he suggested.

"See if we can turn this vacationship into an actual relationship?" Darcy said. "You know that hardly ever works out, right? Real life isn't as fun as a consequence-free cruise ship. We'll have jobs. Friends. Other demands on our time. And you'll have to tell me your real name."

He kissed her hair and let out a chuckle. "I know," he said. "But... I like you."

"I like you too," she told him, tilting her chin up to capture his lips in a quick kiss. "But do you think you'll still like me as much when we can't spend the entire day in my cabin?"

"I guess we'll find out," 'Steve' sighed. "I do know one thing."

"What's that?" Darcy asked, slurping up the last of her drink.

"We've got all night to say goodbye."

* * *

"Jane, this place is crazy-pants," Darcy confided as she followed her boss down the hallway to meet _Iron Man!_  "Did you know? I'm pretty sure I saw Black Widow earlier! She can wrap her legs around me _anytime_."

"I thought you were taken," Jane replied in an amused tone.

"Yeah, I'm totally dating Captain America," Darcy said flippantly. "But I'm sure he wouldn't mind sharing. Everyone is Poly, Because Avengers, right?"

Jane laughed. "Wow, I don't know if that wouldn't fly. I've heard that Steve is an old-fashioned kinda guy."

"I definitely remember him saying that," Darcy told her, as they walked into _Tony Stark_ 's lab!

It was empty.

"Uh, JARVIS?" Jane said to the ceiling. "Where's Tony?"

"My apologies, Doctor Foster," replied a disembodied voice. "The Avengers were unexpectedly called to Assemble. Mr. Stark and Doctor Banner have only just now departed."

"Probably Captain America too, right?" Darcy asked, not sure where she should look to talk to Tony Stark's magic butler.

"Yes, I believe Captain Rogers and Agents Romanoff and Barton met them on the landing pad above."

"Aw, just missed 'em!" Darcy declared, shaking her head.

"If you like, I could keep you updated so that when they return—"

"Nah, I'm good," she interrupted. "I've met enough superheroes in the last few weeks to last me for a while."

"Very good, Miss Lewis," the AI responded.

"So what now?" Jane asked, as they turned back toward the elevator. "I blocked out the rest of the day for Tony showing you around, but since he's not here..."

"It's cool," Darcy told her. "You can get back to the lab if you want. If you promise not to tear a hole in space/time, I'll even let you play by yourself for a while. I could use the time to unpack some of my stuff. Into my apartment. _In Avengers Tower_!" Darcy shook Jane in excitement, and Jane laughed.

"I won't start any fires," she promised.

"Awesome," Darcy said, and waved her away to do science.

As the elevator took her to her floor, Darcy whipped out her phone to text her vacation boyfriend again. She hadn't heard from him since they'd gone their separate ways in the cruise terminal, even though she'd sent him a few messages.

Carriage ride in Central Park this weekend?

Or you can show me around Brooklyn, local boy ;)

She decided to give him a pass if he didn't reply for a while; he had seemed awkward with his smartphone when they exchanged numbers, so she'd put herself in his phone as "Real-Life Pin-Up Darcy" and then tapped his number into hers under "Definitely Steve Rogers."

To her surprise, her text alert went off as she was deciding where to hang her vintage My Little Pony poster in her brand new ridiculously amazing, rent-free, _Manhattan_!) apartment.

She didn't want to seem too eager to hear from him, so she waited until she had the poster perfectly level on the wall next to the bookshelf, then dived for her phone.

Can I get a rain check? I have to go out of town for a work thing and I don't know when I'll be back. I will call you right away when I get home, okay?

Darcy frowned. That wasn't the reply she was hoping for, but she hadn't ever had the highest hopes for their post-cruise relationship. She sighed, sent back an "okay," and daydreamed about how she might go about seducing the Black Widow.

* * *

Tony Stark's coffee was amazing, but sometimes a girl has to get out of the house. Darcy felt that need about two weeks after her last contact with Cruise Ship Captain America, and decided to take herself out for a latte and Manhattan's finest donuts. She had to walk all the way to Hell's Kitchen and through a car wash to get to them, but it was worth it.

Just as she was wondering how she was going to explain to Jane the mysterious mystery of how their Baker's Dozen had become a Baker's Half Dozenish, 'Steve' walked out of the building right in front of her with a huge bouquet of flowers in his hand.

Darcy stopped short, and did not drop her donuts. Thankfully. Because running into a guy who had said he liked her but had been blowing her off for almost a month was enough for her for one day; she would not have been able to stand losing her donuts, too.

" _'Steve,'_ " she said.

"Darcy!" he seemed surprised to see her. Really surprised. "I was... just gonna call you!"

She nodded. "I'm sure," she said, her tone communicating that she was convinced of the opposite.

"No, really!" he said earnestly. "These flowers! They're for you!"

"Uh-huh," she intoned disbelievingly.

He seemed pretty devoted to his story, stepping toward her and thrusting the bouquet into her hand.

Darcy regarded the bouquet, then him, then the flowers again. She reached into the donut box and bestowed a maple waffle glazed upon him.

'Steve' accepted the baked goodness, but looked at her, completely confused. "What's this for?"

"You should get some kind of reward for your dedication to the part," she told him, then turned toward the Tower, calling over her shoulder. "Goodbye, Cruise Ship Captain America."

* * *

Darcy frowned all the way upstairs to the lab, but it was impossible to continue when the elevator doors opened and Thor was there, greeting her boisterously.

"Watch the goods!" she laughed, ineffectually shielding the donuts from his gigantic Norse hug.

"You return!" he boomed. "With sustenance!"

"I did not bring you any coffee," she said, handing him the flowers. "Which might be good for the mugs in the building, considering how much you like it. How long have you been back?"

"We arrived this afternoon," he told her, 'helping' her carry the donuts into the lab so Jane could have some. "I was only able to get away from all of the post-battle celebrations a few moments ago."

Darcy frowned as Jane opened the donuts. "There were celebrations?"

"Looks like we have different definitions of 'A Baker's Dozen,'" Jane observed.

"There were extenuating circumstances," Darcy told her, thumbing at Jane's Asgardian boyfriend.

"Oh, well..."

Thor was happily munching on at least two donuts at once, and when Jane turned her eyes on him, he proffered the bouquet. She blushed and accepted it, apparently letting the whole donut theft thing go without comment.

"Anyway," Darcy continued, motioning at Thor to make sure his attention was on her. "Celebrations?"

"Ah, yes. I do not enjoy your Midgardian post-battle celebrations. They were quite tedious; talking for hours about the battle, what was achieved, what could have happened differently..." He shook his head. "I prefer revels! Food! Women!" Jane screeched as he stepped over and scooped her into his arms.

"I'm gonna go..." Darcy decided when they started kissing. She gazed longingly at the donuts, wondering if she could sneak them away without the couple noticing.

One tug on the box top had Thor turning away from a breathless Jane. "My beautiful Jane has been telling me about your holiday companion," he said. "Would you like to meet the real Steve Rogers to settle the question of your consort's identity once and for all?"

"Dude," she said, pulling the donuts across the lab bench to her. "You are a good bro. I'm gonna get me a selfie. I'm gonna send it to stupid fake 'Steve' and see how he likes it!"

"You mean he still hasn't called you?" Jane asked.

Darcy gave her a look that said she would have informed the world immediately if he had, and that Jane was well aware of that fact.

"Well, it's good you weren't expecting much," Jane said consolingly, "right?"

"I know, and I _told_ him this would happen, but..." She sighed. "He was just... the best boyfriend I ever had, you know? I don't even care that it was only a week."

Darcy half closed her eyes and leaned against the lab bench, cradling the donuts so no one could sneak them while she reminisced. "He was tall, and really really ridiculously good looking? _Awesome_ in bed. A great sense of humor too; he was a little shit sometimes, but he thought _I_ was funny. Me. I'm not funny."

"You are a very pleasing companion," Thor offered.

Darcy raised an eyebrow, looking to Jane to see if she was going to back up Thor's wild claims.

"You're funny..." Jane said, with her 'I'm half-assing this' shrug. "Sometimes...?"

Darcy rolled her eyes.

"Hilarious," agreed a familiar voice from behind her.

Darcy spun, completely forgetting the donuts, which Jane dove to save before they scattered all over the floor.

"How..." Darcy began, taking in the form of her very own Cruise Ship Captain America standing in the doorway with his hands on his hips. "How did you get up here?! You have to have a security badge! JARVIS—"

"Captain Rogers has access to all floors," the AI chimed in.

"Captain... Rogers..." Darcy echoed.

'Captain Rogers' strode inside the lab and took Darcy's hands in his.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I _was_ going to call you. We just got back, and—"

"Wait, oh my god," Jane interrupted. "Is this... 'Steve?'" She used air quotes. "Your 'Steve?'"

"Jane," Darcy complained. "He was gonna be romantical."

Jane covered her mouth with her hand. "Sorry."

"We just got back," Actually Steve continued. "I would have called sooner, but Fury wouldn't let us have our phones in the debrief. I literally only had time for a shower and to go get you the flowers before we ran into each other."

"You're _actually_ Captain America," Darcy told him. “Cruise Ship Captain America is _actually_ Captain America!”

He laughed and pulled her into his arms. "I tried to tell you."

"Can you blame me?"

Actual Steve considered the idea, tilting his head to one side. "Only if you don't blame me," he offered, smiling a truce. "After all, I didn't believe it when you told me you were friends with Thor.”

Darcy sighed. "Fine. But only if we blow everything off tomorrow and spend the whole day in bed."

Steve smirked and leaned down to kiss her. "Why wait?"

**Author's Note:**

> I've only ever been to Manhattan once, so all you New Yorkers need to go enjoy an [Underwest Donut](https://www.underwestdonuts.com) for me!
> 
> [Reblog on tumblr](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com/post/166029459603/cruise-ship-captain-america-catrinasl-marvel)
> 
>  
> 
> Tumblr: [catrinasl](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com)
> 
> Twitter: [@Catrina_SL](http://twitter.com/Catrina_SL)


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